Monday, November 16, 2009

the Winter Wood

Mon, January 14, 2008
My heart is full to the bursting right now! I have not been to the Wood in weeks, and I had forgotten how it fulfills me, how it completely satisfies my senses, in so many ways.

We were let out early as the hospital was 'closed'- pared down to essential personnel, and as we had no appointments, we left. I went home, put on my black ski pants, bright green shirt, black fleece vest, long green elf hat... and... my SKIS!!!!

I skied on over through the cemetery to the Wood. It is amazing how the sound falls away as soon as I enter. Only the squeak and shush of snow beneath the skis as I whisk along. Though it has been many months since they've been on my feet, my body knows them well- I've been doing this for years now, years.

The magic of the wood came over me immediately, giving my thoughts stillness, and filling my heart with love. That's what I decided today- it is a deep sense of well being, of feeling enveloped and complete. Love. I love that place, deeply, and I feel such gratitude that it is there and that I can enjoy it like this.

Slowly I made my way to the Pine Grove. That is the heart of it, the place that holds the most magic and peace. I was careful as I went, careful not to disturb pine boughs hanging low and heavy with snow. Such perfection, in the path, deep white snow with boughs hanging in arches over the path. So breathtaking, so beautiful, amazing. Tracks everywhere- rabbits, deer, chipmunk.

I entered the Pine Grove and as I came around the bend I heard an owl. I went into the center of the Grove and waited. Beneath me is a little valley (a perfect 'jump' for snowmobiles and skis, as it is used for these days). The bowl was glowing in the afternoon light, that odd blue of perfect, untouched deep snow. No one had been here yet, the snow was completely undisturbed. I stood there for a long time drinking in that light and listening to the owl.

As I skied the road home, I was gifted the sight of the sky turning rose above Hayes Pond. I have no words, because I will say beautiful and amazing over and over. It is true, though, that is what I feel.

At last I feel some peace, like something that was missing was returned to me. I had not imagined how much I relied on the Wood, and on exercise in general, to keep my senses in line with who I truly am. There is no bitterness and anger in me as I travel there, it is impossible. There is only love and peace, and I need it as much if not more than I need the food I eat each day. If only there was room to keep me going there every day as I would wish. Someday soon! Someday I will have my life as I want it, and I imagine myself relaxing back into the oddly optimistic and cheerful nymph I know myself to be.

Tomorrow I will return, if I am out before the light fails.

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