Sunday, November 15, 2009

Essence of Worcester...

or, how a 5 star bellydancer lost a dance competition to white trash...
Sat, May 13, 2006
Last night after open mic, a bunch of us talented gals went to Irish Times' club called "Rehab" to compete in their SO CALLED dance competition.
We got there kind of early (10:30) and had most of the floor to ourselves; decked out in mad freak gear- bellydance, firedance costumes... heh heh, they've never seen anything like that!
So they were offering $100 bucks if you won, plus you would be entered into the 'finals' where you could win RedSox tix, with limo and some cash... whatever.
We (Alyssum, Danee- a gymnast-, and I) decided to enter- why not? What the hell?
I felt so sure that Alyssum would just blow them away, win hands down, I felt bad for those poor skanky Worcester girls in their overtight club clothes, grinding in high heels... awww, they'll never know what hit 'em!

So the 'competition' begins. The "JUDGES" were 5 guys who were hanging out drinking at the bar (whatever...). They girls were called up one by one, each doing those ass-in-your-face bump and grind shite I find so funny.
Alyssum was called, and I was zagariting my head off as she wowed 'em with her lovely isolations and snappy hips... wow! Those poor girls don't stand a chance!
Then I went, doing my usual Arabic to some slutty Shakira song or another...
And then Danee went, blowing them all away with a backflip and some other crazy acrobatics... whooooeeee! The judges were freaking out!
So Danee said to one of the judges, "You liked that?"
It was all "Hell yeah girl, we never seen nothing like that!"
The MC was freaking out, telling us he'd never seen that in all his years of the contest...
So you'd think, with that reaction, that we'd win?
Now, some of these girls could dance, in thier own way- just so you know I was looking, and not being a complete bellydance snob. Some of them were doing what they were doing (whatever it was- hip hop stripper?) and they were doing it well, with energy and style.
Then the "finalists" were called up.
I almost choked I was laughing so hard. They did not call up the ones I had appreciated. Nope! They called up one girl who we thought was ok, with the tightest pants I have ever seen (and I wear tight pants); one girl with an irridescent top who did an impressive stick your butt out stripper move where she went to the ground, wheee! and then the one that we laughed at the most- a girl in jeans and a white wife beater, who nonchalantly slumped up onto the stage and did- well, nothing.
Nothing. Not a thing. She kinda moved around a little, nothing with any energy. The thing to note here though was she was kind of underfed, small and short, stringy hair, and looked grumpy. Alyssum noted, "Awww, poor girl! She can't dance at all!"


Yessir, apparently dance talent has nothing to do with a DANCE CONTEST in Worcester. But hey, I grew up here, did I really expect that it did? Nope. Not even a little bit.
I mean, I was at least expecting one of the pseudo strippers to win, I mean, it's a dance contest, come on!
But, no.

It's all about fuckability. This girl looked like she was so depressed or stoned that she would go home with anyone, and if you could have seen the judges it would have made perfect sense... a bunch of slumpy joe-schmoes, not worth a handful of the freaks I know and love. They would not look us in the eyes as we danced (boy were they uncomfortable with the bellydance eye contact!!! Hahhahahahahah!) So they voted for the one who'd be the most likely to take one of THEM to the RedSox game and fuck their brains out in the limo on the way there.

So... that was how an amazing and accomplished bellydancer lost a dance contest to a skinny white trash girl... something I would not have believed if it was anywhere other than Worcester. Oh, ok, fine; Springfield... Holyoke... Dorcester... whatever...

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