Fri, January 19, 2007
I just woke up a bit ago, and the dream is fresh on my mind, and strange; so I am going to put it here, and concentrate once more on today's exam...
I was pregnant. I was close to the time of birth, and startled by it; looking down at the belly, which in my estimation was quite small. I thought to myself, I only wished I was pregnant a month ago and here I am- swollen, and ready? My hands- I kept looking at my hands, on the belly and in the air- my large capable hands with long long fingers, and wondering at them.
The child within was quiet. This also confused me. Aren't they supposed to be more active? I thought; and when I thought this I got a response from within, a kick or movement. (I have to say, that felt strange! I've never been *actually* pregnant like that, so it seems like a collective unconscious memory). I felt relieved to know the child lived.
There were other people around, aware of the pending birth as well. Everyone went about their business. I was in some sort of a house, farm house like.
I kept stimulating the child within, and wondering when it would be time but content to let it be. Someone was then standing with me and I mused, the belly is so small; the child barely takes up any room in there- but I can feel it within the pelvic bowl... we talked about keeping the child stimulated in order to let it know it was close to the time.
I was then talking to a lover, the one who fathered (apparently) the child. He had a look of fear and startlement on his face, but I told him that I had only wished this into being a month before, unknowing how powerful the wish was- that in only a month it culminated into being like this. Perhaps that is why the belly is so small, I said; but the child is likely normal. He was quiet, fearful...
The moment came. The rush of fluid on my legs, and suddenly people were in a frenzy to put down a sheet on the floor, taking apart the extra bed in the room to make more floor space. I was laughing and laughing, the water running like a river down my thighs. I thought, as long as I keep laughing this will go easily, and quickly! Eventually I realized the child was still in the pelvic brim, and I was worried for a time; I stopped laughing and looked at one of the women near me. I said, the child is in the pelvic brim... how long is it safe to be there? She smiled at my worry and said; that is where they all rest, that is the longest part; don't worry, it is what always happens. I felt up between my legs and felt the head, with hair, stopped there- and suddenly had the urge to squat and make it be.
There were other things going on at the same time. The house was near the ocean, and (before? after?) the birth I was swimming and playing with some sort of being in its waters.
During the birth, after I felt the head, I ran outside. I dug my toes in the mud, though it was chilly; and looked about at the colored leaves lying on the ground. I must be with the earth, I said; a man near me said- that is where the power lies, that is wise. My toes dug deep in the mud and I looked around- the child will be dirty if I drop her here; but I am comfortable here...
The child, meanwhile, was quiet. It worried me again, so I tapped gently on the belly and did get a response, and a renewed vigor to come on out into the world.
I don't recall dreaming the actual process, but eventually there was an infant in my hands, tiny (smaller than I imagined) and calm. But that didn't seem to be the point of the dream, the child; it seemed that the process was what mattered here.
Huh. I will have to process this later... I have an exam to take... perhaps I studied too hard yesterday?
Oh and don't worry- I'm not planning on *actually* having children yet (ever?). Intense dream though.