Sat, October 4, 2008
Well. If I am to be in exile, as it seems, with a long cold winter ahead, why not find a way to warm it? What better way to warm a chilly night than with a lover.
Yes, a lover.
Almost two years ago, I began wishing for love, real and deep and true. Although I have had some amazing experiences and frustrating situations since then, I am feeling like I need to put the whole idea on hold because I am not where I want to be (geographically speaking). I decided, then, to no longer entertain the idea of having just lovers (much to the chagrin of my favorite long standing lover, Richard...) but to wait patiently (or not so patiently, in my frustrated little heart) for the connection that would make my soul sing, my heart ring with joy. Well. That isn't going to happen here, in the flat and dry expanse that is Ohio. I do not feel called to settle here; I am here to learn, to hone my skills as a doctor to a fine point (or at least begin to) and then jump free of it to the warmth of California.
What then, of the winter? It has been hard enough to come home, day after day, to only kitties and my books, the internet and telephone. With only a simulated boyfriend for company when the darkness settles, and I wind my way down to sleep. Oh, believe me, I don't begrudge my synthetic boyfriends at all! I even have a new blown glass friend to keep me company... he's quite lovely, actually. It just isn't the same. I'm a sensual girl, and crave the warmth of flesh. It's in our blood to do so. Deprivation causes so many problems otherwise.
So... I will seek a lover. Casually, and without any serious hunting. Manifestation is usually key for me. I am relaxing the romantic ideas I harbor in my secret heart, to allow myself a dalliance that will at least let me find some comfort and laughter, pleasure and joy through the cold months, the months remaining here... in exile. After all, I *am* a witch. "all acts of love and pleasure are my rites". Indeed. I have never shied away from it until these past few years; and so I return to it, to better spend my time with laughter than with moping alone in my cute little apartment. Nothing heavy or cloying; nothing serious. Just fun, joy, pleasure. Safely, of course, I hear you my friends.