Thursday, May 04, 2006

Oh, the single life for me...

It's a little like trying on a shiny new dress. Or haircut. With all I've learned and how much I've grown in the past few years, because of the relationship I was in or despite it, it will be fun and interesting to try out the shiny new world as a single girl with all the knowledge and outlook I have now.
See, I haven't been truly single and free in a long time. The last time I was single, I wasn't sure I should be. I missed him. I wanted to reconcile. I wasn't ready. I felt adrift, lost, lonely...
Now- well, now is different. A new season, a new year, a new haircut, a new if hard outlook.
I have changed a lot, as you will do when forced down the gaping maw that is vet school; having gone down there in a relationship as thick as fine blackstrap molasses, it will be something different to navigate it as a woman singulare.
Don't I deserve to see the world through eyes unfettered by the trappings of a relationship? My whole post-pubescent life has been one of strings of relationships, with hardly a pause for breath in between. Never a pause, not since I was sniffed out by the boys when I was 12! I would take a month or two and think, there, I've been single. Next?

Now though, as a woman grown, I wonder what I am like when I am left to my own devices. I don't want to date. I want to be sugar free, man free and care free for a time. I think it will be good for me! Imagine! Not a man in sight, and the air is clear.

The tricky bit is of course that I still live with the man I was dating. Tis a friendly agreement, and one of necessity; but come fall, I will be cut loose, and diving into the most sticky semester yet... and there will be no time to entangle myself, and I will be glad! Vet school is no place for a relationship. I will try that and see what becomes of me.

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