Sunday, February 13, 2005

The Shittiest DJ

So yeah, the vet prom. In all a good time. I looked smashing, felt smashing though there was no one and I mean NO ONE to hit on... vet school is 80% women, and we are after all pretty much in Worcester; what is there in Worcester that has both a pulse and a brain and is male? Not much. So I looked smashing and had no where to focus my energy. That just means trouble. I mean, if I haven't got something to do I will find something to do and that usually involves saying something, anything, to stir things up. See, I am one of those people that has had to learn the meaning of think before you speak. Most people have a little pit stop that their thoughts come to just before they tumble out of their mouths; well I was born with Over The Line syndrome, and I can't help it. Makes me welcome at most parties though.
So there we were, all dressed up nicely, and the DJ is playing some background noise jazz. The kind you hear in elevators and dentist offices. Which, since we are waiting to eat, is not a bad thing; just something to fill in the background. So he announces in that overly fake announcer voice, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please take your seats so that we can begin sending tables to the buffet."

Fine. I was starving, that suited me just fine.

So what does he proceed to do? Play that fucking song that every goddam wedding DJ plays, that stupid Foggerty song about "put me in coach, I'm ready to play... centerfield" whatever. Fucking hate it, there are DJs out there that hire out at weddings and they ALL PLAY THAT FUCKING SONG!!! That and that stupid song from Risky Business? UGH!!!

So I glowered and complained and one of my friends said, "Well, why don't you go tell him that?"

Of course!!!

So I sashayed over there, dimpled at him and said,
"I don't want to be insulting, but you did just announce that we should be seated for dinner and well, this just doesn't inspire us to do so. Also, no one likes this song. No one. Every time I go to a wedding and a DJ puts this stupid song on, we all collectively groan. No one likes it at all. Never play this again."
He just nodded and said, "ok, ok, ok" to everything and quickly put the horrible porn movie elevator jazz on.

So later in the night we were all high on chocolate cake and booze and wanted to shake down. So he put on the usual droll selections and then began to do this horrible medley thing, where you take 10 seconds of all the old time favorites and try to blend them... but it is a miserable failure! It sucked so badly but we did our best, and luckily someone else complained. FAHK! Why must every fucking hired DJ suck and play stupid shit notoriously? We were all drunk enough to dance to whatever but I wanted to go over and hit him he sucked so bad. I feel it particularly endemic of Worcester, and I hope that when my class goes to hire a DJ we get a real one from Boston.

Hey DJ you're a fahkin fahk!

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